In a relationship, it’s normal for both parties to feel insecure at times. But making your girlfriend feel insecure for no reason is something to be avoided. So here, we surveyed a group of Japanese women on “the moments when a girlfriend starts to feel, ‘Is he just settling by being with me?’”
1. When he goes overboard to praise other women as “pretty”
“When he compliments a woman who’s totally different to me, it really makes me feel that I’m not his ideal type, and that’s depressing.” It seems that many women are hurt by a man’s careless comments.
2. When he says something that makes it sound like he’s still attached to his ex – “She was always a lot nicer”
“Praising your ex-girlfriend is one of the worst things you could do. If you love her so much, why don’t you get back together with her?” We received several complaints like this. An “ex-girlfriend” is a very delicate subject for a current girlfriend, so you should regard saying anything nice about her as taboo.
3. When he’s late in replying to your emails, even on days off
“When he’s hard to get hold of even on days when he’s not working, it makes me feel that I’m not very important to him.” So, to make sure your girlfriend doesn’t feel insecure, make a point of replying to her emails on your days off.
4. When he cancels a date at the last minute, for the tiniest of reasons
“When he often cancels dates at the last minute, it makes me feel that he doesn’t really want to see me.” We received a lot of comments like this. Even if you have to go out of your way a bit, you should try not to bail on a date.
5. When he absolutely won’t say that he loves her
“He never says ‘I love you,’ so I have no confidence that he’s in love with me.” For most women, verbal expressions of love are very important.
6. When he doesn’t introduce her to any of his close friends
“When he doesn’t introduce me to any of his friends, it makes me wonder whether he’s embarrassed to be with me.” These comments are so sad, it makes us cry... Even if you’re not introducing her because you feel a bit self-conscious, girls often tend to read too much into it.
7. When he harshly criticizes her about her hair or the way she dresses – “You should wear your hair/dress like this”
“Does he really dislike me so much?” A woman puts a great deal of effort into her appearance, so making comments like this will only make her feel anxious.
8. When he has no other female friends except her
“When he doesn’t have even one female friend, it makes me feel less confident in myself, like, maybe I was his only choice...” Having too many female friends, or too few—either way, it’s a problem.
9. When he doesn’t take the initiative to celebrate anniversaries or special occasions
“I sometimes wonder if he’s just settling by being with me, because he doesn’t want to make any effort.” A man’s attitude towards special occasions can serve as a yardstick for a woman to judge how much he loves her.
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